Tuesday, November 8, 2011

In A Funk

Seriously, I know I shouldn't be. But I am. You know, it's been really hard to adjust from the super strict to the much more lenient eating plan. It needed to be done, it really did. I absolutely have to be in lifestyle mode, there's no other way anymore.

Super strict is my safe zone. And I miss it.

It is really hard for me to be okay with the daily gain I've had for 5 days in a row now. Deep down I know it's okay, but really, I didn't expect it to go up as much as it has. I mean, 6.5 pounds? Really?? It is all an experiment. I know I had no way of knowing just how the stabilizing would happen. So it is okay. I know it will all even out eventually.

The real killer for me today isn't the scale though. It's my back. As it has hurt quite horribly all day and hasn't let up, I have had to accept the fact that exercise tomorrow is out of the question. In fact, exercise any time in the near future is out of the question. I am facing another week or so of being out of commision. That is very bad, for two reasons. One, because exercise is the only thing holding my head above water right now. I do not want to see what the scale is going to do now that I have to remove it from the equation for a while. That is truly hard to swallow. And two, because last time it happened (and it's only been a couple of weeks!) it was really hard for me to get back into the swing of dragging my body out of bed at 4:45 every morning.

I feel like I've totally been in the zone for the past 8 days. Exercise wise, I have totally rocked. And now it's gone. I know it's not gone forever, but it's really hard to take.

I'm kind of surprised at how hard this is hitting me. Maybe it's because it's also combined with constant pain. I guess constant pain can have a way of making bad things seem even worse, huh? It's just been a bad day today, over all. I'm not used to bad days--which I know is a good thing (a major blessing, really)--so between yesterday and today, I'm really just one big mess.

Hopefully I'll feel that fire for life burning again tomorrow morning when I wake up. I don't know if I can handle any more of just going through the motions, especially when the motions hurt so much.

I am not taking advantage of this time to eat like crap, though, thankfully. I ate fabulously today without those pistachios around, so at least there's that! =)

"I'm sorry. Your team has decided that you are not the biggest loser. You'll have to say goodbye to your team."

Okay, that's really pathetic sounding. That last part was typed with a big ol' joking smile on my face. Don't worry, next time America sees me I'll be totally rocking that Jillian Michaels workout. =)

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