Well, I had a tough couple of days. I really did. And yesterday it was on my mind almost all day. My thoughts were very "What am I going to do to fix this" oriented. And I got the plan all made, and was ready. Game on.
The plan was to go back to juice fasting for five days. The logic--get that sugar out of my system, wipe the palate clean, and eliminate the cravings I let creep in. I would juice from Sunday-Thursday, eat only fruits and vegetables on Friday, and then go ahead and get a Subway sandwich on Saturday as a reward. I know they say don't reward yourself with food, but if it's healthy allowable food--that I rarely indulge in--then why not, right?
This morning I kept thinking about this juicing thing. My heart wasn't really in to doing another five whole days already. And to tell you the truth, I felt kind of guilty that my heart wasn't in it. But then I realized that the whole juicing plan was me using an extreme measure to compensate for my bad behavior. Not that juice fasting is extreme, because I totally believe in it. But I do think that since I just finished not even two weeks ago, it would be extreme to do it again already. Also, because my purpose for doing it this time would be me running to something to save me from messing up. What I really need to do is not take the "easy" way out--the rapid weight loss way out--the kind of way out that would turn in to "Today I'll eat whatever I want because if I gain a few pounds I'll just juice and take it right off again."
This kind of thinking is not healthy for me. What I need to do is just pay the price for giving in to the sugar, and work it off according to my lifestyle diet plan. No easy, quick way out. Just pick myself back up and carry on. Exercise really good, eat on plan, and just take it from there. I am thinking of doing another juice fast in January, and I am not going to let myself run to it in desperation before then. I want to do it for health reasons, not scale reasons.
So as nice as it would be to get rid of this little gain extra fast, I have decided to just move on with the plant based plan and just grow up and say no to the things I already said I'd say no to.
I did really good today. I really wanted to pick at the kids' leftover pizza tonight at dinner. I almost did it a few times. But finally, finally, for the first time in a long time, I just told myself NO. I thought about what really matters the most, what I really want, and guess what. It wasn't pizza.
Now I've gone for months and months not picking at stuff. I've made dinner for my kids all year while my husband has been gone, and I've eaten on my own plan and never even touched their stuff. BUT. It's different when it's not a temptation. When you can be around it and it doesn't bother you, it's not really that big a deal when you don't eat it. What is a big deal is when you have to fight the real desire to eat it, and you can come out on top. If it is bothering you, and you do really want it, that's when passing it up is the victory. So yeah, most of the time my last year, I genuinely haven't wanted it. So it wasn't hard.
Now it's hard. These are the kinds of issues I need to deal with and overcome. And that is why I need to steer clear of the extremes, even if those super strict diets are so much easier for me to follow. Because for me the real challenge is to live this lifestyle eating plan, and just flippin' do it. I will never get it if I keep running to juicing or HCG for the scale. I will juice probably every three months, but not for the scale. I want to do that for the rest of my life, and not as a way to pay for bad eating.
I have taken to cooking the kids meals with exact portions so there is nothing left after I serve them. They always finish off the food I feed them. To avoid left overs or food sitting out, I no longer make or get a whole pizza and instead buy single serving sizes. One of my worst days for picking at the kids meal was when I was tired and just threw whole bags of tattor tots and fish sticks in the oven. I ended up with about 2-3 servers of each.
ReplyDeleteLike you, I have a constant battle with food and the best way I have found to deal with it is to take away the temptation or option in the first place. It has conditioned me over the months to avoid it when it is available. I did not touch any Halloween candy for example.
My main approach though is to put a number on every item. I record every item of food and aim for 1500 calories a day. It makes it easier to avoid a hamburger when you see it 'costs' 330 calories for 1 which is 20% of my daily allowance. Then I reverse the number in my head from number to food. For 330 calories I could have a huge plate of salad, 2 servers of dressing, a boiled egg and a serving of steam fresh peas.
I have tried to condition my way of thinking that the joy from the burger or sausage (310 calories) is not better than alternative.
Still, it is a daily battle.