Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Go the Distance

Over the past week or so I have kept hearing that phrase in my mind. "Go the distance." You know, that phrase from Field of Dreams? Not that I really think about the movie, but the phrase really just keeps speaking to me.

Because I am to this point where I'm only a few pounds lower than my previous best. That point where last time I lost track and "accidentally" regained 114 pounds. !!! I hate knowing I did that, and I don't want to do it again. I am back to that point where I don't mind looking in the mirror. I actually enjoy buying clothes for myself.

(I finally had to break down and buy myself some clothes, because the truth is, it's getting downright cold around here and I had nothing--no jacket, no long sleeved shirts, nothing. So yesterday I went out and got some stuff. And wouldn't you know it, I didn't even realize until I left the store that I had actually gone straight to the regular section instead of the plus size section. I don't have any clue what clothes they had there. I did realize, though, that it wasn't hard to find several things that would work for me. I'm sure it was because I was not in that plus-size-means-harldy-any-selection section. WOW. So I was happy, I even got a jacket. Should I be ashamed to admit they were all from Walmart? Or just feeling awesome that they aren't all yard sale clothes? I just don't want to go to the nicer, more expensive stores until I am at my goal weight. THEN I plan to gradually build up a nicer wardrobe. But for now, I just really need clothes that cover me up, fit me right, and help me feel better about myself).

Anyway, I love being at that point. I went for a haircut last night. I knew I needed one, but I guess I didn't realize how badly I needed it! I absolutely love the new cut, and I know that my former fatter face could have never pulled off the Meg Ryan choppy hair style. (Not that I even come close to thinking I look like her, but you know). I'll have to get a picture when there's someone older than 4 years old around to take it for me.

So here I am at this point, and the last week has just felt like a mountain to me. HUGE hard obstacles. I hate falling down and having to pick myself back up. I never wanted to quit, though, and I did think many times about how grateful I am to have that realization now of what can happen if you don't pick yourself back up quick enough. And I'm glad I step on the scale every day. That scale is my friend. It keeps my informed. In the loop about what my body is doing. And I need that desperately.

Now I just keep thinking to myself that this time I actually want to GO THE DISTANCE. I am not going to be satisfied getting to 160 or even 150 if my healthy weight is actually 20 or 30 pounds less than that. When I weighed over 300 pounds I used to think that if I could just get to 170 and stay there for the rest of my life, I'd be happy. In total heaven, actually. And I'm sure I will be happy when I get to 170. But I have come to know that now I really do want to just go the distance. Just keep plugging away and not be content to maintain 30 or 40 pounds over what I should be. Yes, it's way better than being 303 was. But I'm thankful that I have that desire to just do what needs to be done and actually finish the job instead of being happy just getting close.

It's all the way, baby. I don't know how long it will take me to lose the 56 pounds I have left. But I will do it. I am positive that the next 56 will be much, much harder to lose than the last 117 have been. And that's okay, this next 56 pounds have been stuck to my body a lot longer. And I have a lot to learn, so I say--bring it on.

So "Go the Distance" is my new "thing." I think I am going to make that my blog title. I thought about changing the url too, but it's already taken. So that makes it easier on anyone who actually comes and reads my ramblings. =)

Onward and upward downward!

185.9 today.

1 comment:

  1. I feel like I am filling up your comment sections.. but you keep posting stuff I could have written myself and it really resonates with me. I just posted something this morning on goals and I have set mine to 175 lbs. I will be thrilled to get there and mentally I am telling myself that would be a good stop point. I guess part of the reason is not to overwhelm my mind with even bigger numbers than 100 lbs.

    .. but I also know from experience that once I get to that point, I will still look to lose a little more. I don't know what my ideal weight is since when I was last at 175, I felt great.. but I do know that maintaining is just as difficult as losing. Like you, I also lost and then accidentally put weight back on.. approx 100 lbs worth. I vowed the first time after I lost 70 that I would never be over weight again.. it scares me how easy it is to say and how difficult in reality.

    I totally understand just how much more difficult it is to lose those last few pounds. Back when I was 175 I was running 5 miles a day and struggled to drop weight. It is very much an 80/20 rule in play.. the last 20% takes 80% of the total effort.

    As much as I dislike Walmart, it is where I buy my clothes. They are cheap and I hope I will not be wearing what I am buying today to far into 2012.. but it is wonderful when you stop going to the plus size area. I still remember that feeling from the last time and having so much choice as opposed to the limited selections in the plus area. I had no choice but to start buying, my 2X shirts can fit a second person in them and my pants were falling off me.

    I also weigh myself every morning. It tells me what I need to do and 90% of the time, gives me such joy as a reward for all my hard work. I could never do the once a week weigh in.

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