Honesty is HARD

I have been very impressed with other weight loss bloggers who have the guts to be totally and completely honest in their posts about what they eat. Sometimes they get some downright mean comments from others, telling them what their problem is and what they should do about it, criticizing their every move. All in the name of "constructive criticism." I don't really like that. I don't blog so that others can get on here and tell me what to do. I know what to do. If I want advice, or need tips or suggestions, I'll let you know. I think sometimes it's discouraging to get comments from strangers about what all your problems are.

Actually, I don't mind when people have ideas that might help me, as long as they are given kindly.

Because I have thought about how hard it can be to be honest in "public." And it's not worth it if people think that's an invitation to stomp on you and treat you like you don't know anything about eating right, etc. Luckily, my blog is new still, and I haven't had any bad comments. I guess the haters haven't found me yet. LOL. So far I have appreciated every comment that has been made on this blog.

But honesty is really important, I think. I do this blog so that I can share my journey with others, maybe inspire someone, all that good stuff. But really I do it for me, as a record of what I do and how I do it. The struggles and the triumphs. I've been doing awesome lately. I have been very happy with the personal progress I have been able to achieve thus far.

And then today happened.

Today was cold and rainy. I loved it. It also just so happens that it was the day to bring in the pumpkin off the porch and bake it, puree it, and make it into stuff. I mean, it's fall. My favorite season of all. Today is the first day I have made anything out of pumpkin--it's long overdue!

I made whole wheat pumpkin cookies with cinnamon chips. (If you haven't heard of them, they're like chocolate chips only they are cinnamon flavored. I've never ever seen them in the store, but I did order some from Amazon and have had them sitting on the shelf for about 2 months just waiting for the perfect recipe). For the first time in probably six months, I licked my fingers while baking.

You wouldn't think that would be so bad, right? Well...it was really good. So I tasted some more and some more. And then I stuck some gum in my mouth because I just couldn't stop. I baked up all the cookies and had them on the plate when my company came today. And then the kids each had one. And then I had one. And another. I think I ate five cookies. I swear, I never should have had that first taste. Let me tell you--if you have a problem with sweets, just forget I ever told you how incredible pumpkin cinnamon chip cookies are.

So yeah. I'm going to pay for that tomorrow. I totally lost it. I mean, luckily I didn't just throw in the towel--I ate my healthy food, had my big ol' salad for dinner, too. I didn't let it completely throw the day away.

I'm disappointed in myself, though. There goes my sugar free streak. DANG IT! But I'm done. I'm totally done. I can't eat that crap. I don't want to.

I guess it is just a lesson to me that there are still demons I have yet to conquer. Clearly I still suffer from the "you can't have just one bite" syndrome. I just need to stop. When I do allow myself to have something, I have to be able to stop at one. My problem today was that my sugar guidelines are currently "no sugar at all." I'm not ready for "once a week" or anything like that yet. So not only did I just eat cookies without a pre-plan to do so, I just totally wrecked the sugar goal I had set for myself.

Luckily I still plan to stay off sugar. My record isn't perfect, but I don't need to make it any worse. The pumpkin cookies, and the pumpkin muffins I made after that (which I didn't eat, by the way), are tucked safely away in the freezer, and they are not calling to me anymore.

All I can do is wait and see the consequences in the morning.

I can't wait to take it out on the step on Monday. The back should be ready by then. I need Jillian Michaels to give me a beating.