Crazy!

I'm not avoiding the blog on purpose. It's been crazy.

I did finally find the cord to recharge my camera battery, so I'll be able to start taking pictures of my food again. I didn't realize how much time and whatever it was going to take to do it. I like to do it, but yeah...it's a bit of extra effort that I don't always have. And I'm still going back and forth about whether doing stuff like that makes me focus on food too much. I want to focus on it enough that I am paying attention and counting my points and that I know exactly what I'm doing, but not so much that it's always on my mind.

Anyway, things are nuts in my life right now. In a good way, but crazy!

I have never lived this far north. Lately it has been light outside until 9:30...and it's only going to get later for the next month or so! So we go and go and go, and by the time we stop we realize that it's a lot later than we thought. Not that that's a bad thing. Tonight I started some weeding and yard work at 6. I did that for about an hour and then came in and the whole family had a huge cleaning party. When I stopped it was 9:15! I feel great and my house looks amazing. And it really needed some extra TLC. But. I'm TIRED!

Anyway, I have been aware of my food intake. I will say that I have not stayed in my points range, I'm sure of it. I say I've been aware--that doesn't mean I've been counting. I just haven't had the time or the energy. So I have to figure out how to balance all that.

I was afraid that I wasn't going to get my goal of 40 activity points for the week, but by some miracle I did. Yesterday my husband had the day off so I suggested we walk to Walmart for the couple of things we needed. So we piled the three kids in the strollers and went for it. It was a beautiful day! We were gone for about 3 hours. Some of that time was spent strolling through the store, which doesn't count as "exercising." But for the time we were walking to and from we got some good work in. And then today with my 3 hours of low intensity yard work and house work (which was actually quite exhausting!) I pushed my activity points count up to 45 for the week. Whew!

I do suffer from having days where I just really don't care. I mean, I just really don't. It's exhausting to care! Sometimes I don't want to count or track or choose the fat free cheese over the regular cheese. I do struggle with that a lot. I think that's my big fight right now. The bottom line is, I do care. So what am I supposed to do on those days when I really don't care?

For example, yesterday I had my mushroom caps all ready for me to use for making my pizza. But when 8:00 p.m. came around and I was finally finishing all the junk I had to do, I just didn't have it in me to prepare my own food. I just didn't care enough at that point to put in the extra effort, so I ate what was left of the family's pizza. I would probably die if I took the time to calculate the points value of that pizza.

So you see, I have such a long way to go. So much to learn. I mean, I know all the answers. I could take a test on how to lose weight, all the best practices, the healthiest, even the psychology of it, and get an A+. But the practical application...well, I probably have a D right now. I can do really great, but then I just can't do it anymore. And then the next day I do what I can to find the drive, and I go for it and do great for days, only to have another one of those "I can't care" days. I am guessing that I just have to keep on keeping on, and that becoming A+ at the practical application is going to take a while. Little by little. Baby steps. I have no intention of throwing in the towel. Sometimes it's frustrating that I can't just make up my mind about it and be done with it.

At any rate, I'm here, alive and kicking, caring and not caring.

So we'll see how tomorrow goes. I will start taking pics again either tomorrow or Monday.

(On a funny note...there is nothing bad left in this house. Jared even managed to find my stash of melting chocolate and everything that I keep with my crafts in the pantry--for dipping oreos or whatever. This is stuff I've had for probably 9 months. The good thing is that it's gone. I've never touched it, never even wanted to eat it AT ALL. Just not appetizing. But I think it's better that it's not here at all. After all, I haven't dipped oreos for anyone since before Christmas...).

Day Off

Well, it wasn't supposed to be a day off.

But today was insanely busy.

First it was an extra load of laundry for me this morning (I'm a one load a day kind of woman).

Then it was off to play group.

Then it was home to clean up and make lunch and clean up again and get Lydia down for a nap.

Then it was company for about an hour.

Then it was hurrying up to make dinner so that I could then make my lunch and have maybe a few minutes to eat it in peace before the older boys came bursting in the door after school.

Then it was being so busy and crazy and smelling the yummy dinner that I let myself sample.

And that was really bad, because I half expected corn dog muffins to be gross. I've been making them for over a year for my kids, and 5/5 of them will eat them. (That is unheard of in my house). But I like corn dogs. I never eat them, but just the thought of a cornbread muffin with a chunk of hot dog in it does not sound like my idea of an ideal replacement for an actual corn dog. Not for me, anyway. But I tried it anyway.

And...oh. my. gosh. So good.

I hurried and cooked up my squash concoction, and drank a bunch of water.

Then it was getting kids to do their homework.

Then it was getting one son off to scouts (who was late, because I totally forgot until he was already 15 minutes late. So he probably got there at 20 after. Geez).

Then it was getting my other son out the door and over to the school for his first ever band concert. And I'll spare you the gushy details of how unexpectedly impressed I was with the concert. I have never heard a first year band sound so good. Oh yeah, I said I'd spare you. Moving on.

Then it was coming home and cleaning up the house and washing all the dishes and getting kids to bed,

And besides that, my camera battery was dead.

Maybe those aren't good reasons, but I just didn't have the energy to track today. So I didn't. I know I probably went over points. But I skipped dinner because I was just too busy. Not that I expect that to count for much.

And by the way, there is no more cookie dough in this house. (Mostly due to my husband eating it, but I can't lie, I helped a little).

I also did not exercise today, because my back was still really bugging me this morning. Instead of exercising I got up and searched the bathroom for Icy Hot, which I never did find. Luckily, as the day progressed my back got better, so I should be okay for tomorrow. That is, if I ever get to bed tonight.

I did drink a lot of water today. Not 100 oz, but way better than the past few days. That's the only good thing for today.

I don't know. I hate days that are packed full of craziness, where I feel like the day is just happening to me and I don't really have a say about it. But it's okay. I had some good times today.

(I do have to be honest, though, and admit that I'm sick of that "fresh start" mentality. While it is true that you can't let slip ups ruin your entire day or week, it's also true that you shouldn't let yourself easily excuse them, using the mentality that slip ups happen and you just have to move on. They do happen, and you do have to move on, but you also have to be careful that you don't justify bad eating because you've made peace with the "slip ups happen" mentality. And I think sometimes I do that. I let myself slip up because that's life. I guess the whole point is that we have to fight to NOT let the slip ups happen. And if they're happening a couple of times a week, that is not okay. Maybe a couple of times a month. Clearly I still have a lot of work to do. So just know that even though I am moving on and fighting the fight, don't think for a minute that I am okay with slipping up as often as I currently do. I just have to be positive and not let it send me into a complete off-plan oblivion because it's easier to ignore it than deal with it).

Do you see why I say I need to be attending weekly WW meetings? I need to know that I am going to get on a scale in front of people, and I am accountable to them! Ultimately, it's all about me. It's about what I want for myself, and what I am going to do for myself. I am not losing weight for a group of people I don't even know yet. But I do know that I hate admitting that I messed up, and I will not want to show up to a meeting with a gain.

OK--more pictures tomorrow, some good exercise, and all my water.

And lots of prayer, so that I can really figure this out and finally break through. I don't know what it is about food, but it is the greatest trial of my life. What a stupid thing to have to admit. Why in the world should something so stupid be such a huge stumbling block for me? It really is embarrassing.

Daily Food Log 5/22

Today was good. I added a set of risers under my step when I did my workout this morning. 8 inches! I tried it a few months ago and couldn't make it five minutes. But it did occur to me yesterday that my workouts are way too easy. Oh, they used to be hard. They used to be killer, let me tell you. I remember working up to actually being able to do the whole thing. But I have noticed lately that they don't really make me break much of a sweat, and they don't get my heart rate up like they should.

That's why I tried adding the other set of risers before. It was totally hard. But I tried it again today because I was hoping to get more activity points for the same amount of time investment. 40 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise is worth 4 activity points. Today I got to bump it up to 40 minutes of high-intensity, and when I plugged it into the points calculator, the workout was worth 9 points. Yahoo! How awesome is that!

The unfortunate part was that about half way through I stepped wrong and my back didn't really appreciate it. It's weird trying to get used to stepping up farther, and also stepping down farther. Doing some repeaters and some jumps kind of threw me off at that one point. At first I was afraid that I had pinched a nerve, that I'd have to quit working out, that I'd be on the couch and out of commission for a few days. But I kept going, and it hurt a little bit, but I could tell it would be okay.

So happily, I finished the workout. And moved on to the toning workout for another 40 minutes.

My body and my back have been a little bit sore today. So I skipped my p.m. workout, which was okay because I did earn 13 points this morning. Thanks to the extra risers! =)

In other news, my awesome husband fixed the water filter today, so that's all set now. Unfortunately, I was out the door on errands, etc., right after he fixed it, and now it's too late to start drinking tons of water. But tomorrow it's on! I have really been needing my water. I was really ready to start choking down the awful tap water.

OK, today's food:

Breakfast: Oatmeal

5 points

Snack: Peanut Butter

2.5 points 

(WW rounds, but I don't usually)

More snack: Here is my daughter's lunch that she wouldn't eat. I caved and ate half of one of the halves. 

What can I say, I love peanut butter! And I love my homemade bread even more. I try to resist, but sometimes...

3.5 points

(yes, the other day I actually did figure out exactly how many points were in a slice of my bread...somewhere between 3 & 4...it was supposed to be four, but then I cut the slices thinner than what I had calculated for and I didn't re-calculate. Instead of my recipe making 32 slices, it made more like 36. Not sure if it's enough to make a difference, I'll have to recalculate it later and find out).

Lunch: Cabbage

0 points

More lunch: Baked potato w/salt and pepper, green onions and greek yogurt

7 points

Snack: Chocolate Chips (not pictured)

4 points

And watermelon:

0  points

Dinner: Squash, zucchini, onions, tomatoes, garlic, salt and pepper

0 points

Dessert: More of the same. Bananas, strawberries, cool whip free and chocolate chips.

5 points

I am still not liking all the chocolate, but I think other than that (and the lack of water) I did a pretty good job! It could definitely be better. I am working at refining my menu. I will also branch out and add more variety, eventually. Sometimes, though, when I find something I really like, I just really want to keep having it. Although now I'm out of potatoes. =)

I should also note that I came very, very close to eating a handful of chocolate chips after all my points were gone. And cookie dough. I'm talking, my hand was on the cookie dough ziploc. (It's here because Jared wants it, and he eats it). Instead of it being in the freezer in the garage, it was in the house. And I went for it, I did. But I made myself stop. I did not have extra chocolate chips, and I did not eat the blasted cookie dough.

So I won't be beating myself up over the fact that 6 of my points today were used on chocolate.

Daily Food Log 5/21

Today was a whole lot better.

It started out with working out for an hour and a half. 50 minutes with Jillian, 40 minutes with Cathe. =) That added up to 8 activity points.

For breakfast...well, I skipped it because we left as soon as the older boys got on the bus for school. We drove out to the Honda place to pick up our license plates, and then we went over to Home Depot, and then Costco. At Costco I let myself try some samples (it's been a really, really long time, people). The first one was greek yogurt with some honey. Because of the honey I only ate about half the sample and gave the rest to Jared. The other one was a little piece of pepper jack cheese, which I loved because it was loaded with flavor. That was pretty much it for the samples. But then I did take a bite of one of the hot dogs we got them for lunch. I really have no idea how many points all that added up to, but I went ahead and counted it as 5.

When we got home, I sauteed up the rest of my squash and zucchini--my usual yummy zero point lunch vegetable.

0 points

I also had a baked potato with salt and pepper, greek yogurt (thank you Costco) and green onions. Dang it was good, I think I'll have it tomorrow, too.

6 points

In the afternoon I had watermelon and string cheese for a snack.

4 points

Before dinner I went out in the garage and knocked out a 35 minute Gilad aerobics DVD, earning myself another 4 activity points. And then I was too tired to do what it would take to chop up the salad veggies, so I skipped that part of my plan and just ate a steak/pepper/onion/cheese thing. (Can't remember what it's called). You're supposed to fold it in half, but I like to eat it flat because I get more bites out of it that way.

8 points

And then for dessert (I know, I said I wasn't going to do dessert anymore, but I did) I had a fruit salad with bananas, strawberries, and zero point whipped cream. It was especially good because I added 4 points worth of chocolate chips. I really like the crunch they gave it, which is actually the thing that makes me keep running to the freezer for the cookie dough. So putting the choc. chips in the fruit salad was JUST the thing I needed. Completely satisfied me. I think next time I'll cut the chocolate chips in half (the serving, not the actual chips--LOL) so the dessert will only be 2 points.

4 points

27 points eaten. (Maybe 28 because I took a taste of the family's dinner).

12 points earned.

Not too shabby. =)

(And big thanks to my friend Laurie for suggesting the greek yogurt and giving me a good dessert idea!)

Daily Food Log 5/20

Well, I totally botched my day today. I don't know.

This morning I got stressed. Something personal triggered a really grumpy attitude, and I decided to blow two of my points on some of my WW candy.

And of course it didn't help my grumpiness at all.

But instead of realizing that and walking away, I just wanted a few more pieces. Only 4 points for 3 pieces, not that big of a deal.

Well, I ate 9 pieces. I don't even know what to say about that.

I did really great the rest of the day and was totally on points. Then at the very end, I had one point left, so I ate another candy. (!!!) It's not like it would be a crime if I ate only 27, but hey, I wanted to eat that last point. And then I just ate more. I don't even know how many I ate. And I wasn't going to own up to it here, because it's just so terrible. Worse than that--I went for the cookie dough again, too. !!!

I think tomorrow we will be baking up all those cookies and giving them out to some families in our neighborhood. I just can't have them around anymore. Gone is my superhero control. I will also not be buying any more WW candy. I thought I could have it around and only eat one or two a day, but clearly I'm not ready for that either. I need to use my points for real food and not candy.

I don't know how many points I ended up with today. Total fail. Luckily tomorrow is a new day, and I'll be getting up to earn my day's worth of activity points, and I'll be drinking my water and I'll be fighting my fight.

Besides all the messing up I did (which I didn't even take pictures of, and I refuse to go back out to the freezer and take a picture of that cookie dough), here are the pictures of the regular stuff I ate today...

For breakfast, a bowl of Berry Berry Kix and a half a cup of milk. Oatmeal would have been a healthier choice, but I really wanted to try the cold cereal.

4 points

Then we went to church, and got home around 3:00. At that point, I made a big fruit salad, with strawberries, grapes, apples and bananas. Totally yummy and zero points!

0 points

And another repeat of my squash stuff. I know it's monotonous, but I really do love it and I haven't had enough of it yet! (Not to mention that Jared sliced it all up for me with the slicer attachment to the kitchenaid! What a nice husband I have).

0 points

So that wasn't too bad at all. At this point I had 12 points left for the day. So when dinner time came around, I ate some Santa Fe style rice and beans, with cheese. So good. 8 points.

8 points

And then some microwave popcorn for 3 points.

3 points

That's 27 points, and that's where I should have stopped and had some gum and/or some water or some sugar free, zero point jello. 

Heaven help me tomorrow!

Daily Food Log 5/19/12

Today was good! I'm still working on changing my mentality--to stop feeling the need to eat a lot. Part of my problem is that I spent the last 7 weeks eating 500 calories a day. I did pretty darn good, and it didn't bother me. But now I just love that I can actually EAT more. I really do want to work into more proper portions of things, but I am not there yet. So the way I handle it is to make vegetables the bulk of my eating. I know that fruit is also free points, but I'm not sure it's too smart to load up on fruit--vegetables are the very best of the best options for zero point food.

Also, I have set myself a goal to earn a minimum of 40 activity points per week. (And not use them). It may work out to be 10 points for 4 days, or 8 points for 5 days. I don't know. I also think that if I earn more than 40 activity points, I'll go ahead and let myself use them for a treat or something.

And now--today's food:

In the morning, before the yard saling =) I ate another serving of oatmeal, fat free milk, and sliced banana.

5 points

After hours of driving around from one yard sale to another, I went to Walmart and got a few things--including some of the one point WW candy. I was really wanting something good, and I loved the idea of one point chocolate. =) And I had 2. I have a picture of 4, because throughout the day I ate two more. The package said that if you eat three (which is a serving size) it ends up being 4 points, with how they round the numbers in figuring points. SO...

another 5 points

Later, (after I cleaned up from 5 hours of the kids being left alone with their dad) I had some lunch. A repeat of yesterday for the veggies,

0 points

And a Smart Ones meal, chicken ranchero (which was SO yummy).

5 points

Later on I had some steamed cabbage with salt and pepper.

0 points

Everybody else had breakfast for dinner, and I picked at the eggs. I don't think I ate this much, but to be on the safe side I counted the points for 2 eggs. I have to quit picking at the kids' food! Stop it! Stop it! (Luckily I didn't pick at the sausage or french toast!)

4 points

For dinner I ate an absolutely huge salad. An entire head of romaine lettuce, half a bell pepper, 2 green onions, 2 carrots, a bit of chopped broccoli, a tomato, and some of that fat free cheddar cheese I bought for last night's pizza. I used the wishbone salad spray: Ranch. I didn't count any points for that, maybe I should have. ? I don't know. Anyway, it was all zero points except the cheese, so that was good.

2 points

Then I had so few points left (and I wanted to fit in a dessert) that I chose the same 3 point meal I had for lunch yesterday. 

3 points

I finished off the day with a WW turtle sundae dessert for 4 points. Talk about portion control! This thing was tiny! I'm sure it would have easily fit into a 1/4 cup measuring cup. But that's okay! I ate it with one of our baby spoons, which helped me take smaller bites and let it last longer. =) It was good. 

4 points

And there you have it! A total of 28 points.

I did horrible with my water today. I maybe got 8 ounces. Ugh, our tap water tastes awful! Probably because I've been drinking bottled water for so long, I don't know. Jared says there's nothing wrong with it at all. But I hate it. I think he's going to have to go to Home Depot on Monday for the part he needs to fix the Brita. 

I am curious to see what will happen this week with the scale. It seems really hard to believe that I can eat so much and actually lose weight. 

Oh...it is also a goal of mine to get off the sweets, and have a maximum of one candy a day (save it for night when I really want something sweet) and only have dessert once a week or so. I don't really like using my points on sweets. For now, I'm just doing what I can to stick to my points and get enough of a balance. But yeah, the sweet thing does need to be dealt with.

Just remember--as bad as 4 pieces of WW candy and a turtle sundae are, it's WAY better than diving into the freezer for 5 or 6 or 15 balls of frozen cookie dough. Baby steps.

28 Points

There's another blog I read where the author posts a picture list of her daily food intake, along with how many points each thing is. I thought maybe I'd start doing that for a while, and maybe it'll help take the place of the meetings I haven't yet signed up to go to. I'm seeking accountability, here.

I feel like I ate a TON today. And--I did. And it all tasted amazing! I enjoyed every single bite of everything that went in my mouth. I also stayed within my points and drank 96 ozs of water. (Water's a little low because the NEW faucet filter we bought BROKE! Luckily I had already had 96 ozs, or I would be in trouble as far as water goes).

Anyway, check out all the amazing stuff I ate today!

I didn't eat breakfast until about 11:00. I'm still so scared of getting started too early. Anyway, for breakfast I had a half cup of oatmeal with a half cup of fat free milk and a sliced banana. Total points: 5. No sweetener--and it was SO good!

Then when I made sandwiches for the kids for lunch I really wanted some peanut butter, so I calculated the points and decided that half a serving was good, for another 2.5 points.

Then around 2:00 I made a fabulous lunch. I made my zucchini, squash and onions that I like so much, but this time I added a can of diced tomatoes into the mix, along with some garlic salt, basil and oregano. And I ate it ALL. Every last bite. 2 whole zucchini, 1 whole squash, half an onion, and a whole can of diced tomatoes. For ZERO points. You definitely can't beat that!

After that I ate a Smart Ones entree, which was sooooooo good! 3 points.

Then a bit later in the afternoon I had some watermelon. I keep this bowl of watermelon cubes in the fridge, and when I want some I just grab a fork and eat out of the big bowl 'til I'm done, and then it goes back in the fridge. (Sorry if my lack of manners offends anyone. LOL). Again, zero points.

At this point, I had eaten 10.5 of my 28 points for the day. And I had to go to the grocery store, so I thought I would look for some of that one point WW candy. But they didn't have any, so I decided to go over to the bulk section and got a few sugar free chocolate peanut clusters. I noted the nutrition information so I could calculate the points and make sure I counted them. And when I got to the car, I ate 2 of them. After all, for the WW candy it would have only been 2 points. Unfortunately, when I got home and calculated the points, it turned out they were three each. So that's 6 points for these 2 little candies. They were good! But I like my points to last more than a few bites, so that was a bummer, and I gave the four I had left to my husband. 

Tonight was pizza night, and it has been a long time since I had a chance to participate in pizza night. I was really looking forward to eating pizza! I decided to do my pizza on the portabello mushroom caps--which are vegetables, so zero points. This was great--mushroom caps, tomato sauce, onions, skim mozzarella, fat free cheddar, and 90% lean turkey sausage. Can I just tell you how awesome these tasted?? And get this--for both of these pizzas, 6 points. The same points as those two tiny, quickly gone candies. The pizzas were definitely more worth it. =)

And as if that weren't enough, I even had 5 points left for dessert. And I used every single one of them on this crustless strawberry pie. It had sugar free/fat free vanilla pudding, sugar free strawberry jello, and strawberries. The entire thing would have been 8 points. And I was going to eat the entire thing, too, until I realized that my two candies were 6 whole points. So yeah. At any rate, this pie tasted awesome. The part that's gone is the part I ate. LOTS of pie for me today.

Farewell Footlong

I guess I really did burn out on HCG. I'm still supposed to be eating according to HCG protocol until Saturday, but I just scrapped it. (And this is my fault, not the diet's fault). Yesterday I went grocery shopping and got all stocked up on stuff to do the WW plan.

But the first thing I was going to do was get Subway. It's been a really long time, and Subway is the absolute only eating out I ever do. EVER. I'm not saying I wouldn't go to a restaurant or something, but it is definitely not part of our lifestyle to eat out. We have lived in Washington for 3 months and have never gone out to a restaurant here. Anyway, so I wanted Subway. And luckily, Subway isn't too hard to work into the WW plan. All I had to do was count the points and plan for it.

Now--I know that Subway is a great choice. And I always get the whole wheat bread and the healthy choice sandwiches, and if I get chips (which I always do) they are baked. And I never get soda. All I ever drink is water. Anyway, I also always get a footlong. It's so easy and convenient--$5 footlong and all that. I can't remember the last time I got a measly 6 inch.

Some of you may have your eyes bulging out of your head right about now. A footlong is HUGE. But you know what, it's okay--if you work it into your plan.

So this morning for breakfast I made a nice fruit salad with apples, strawberries, grapes and bananas. It was totally good, and zero points. Then when the kids ate lunch, I had some wheat thins. I calculated the points and decided I could "afford" them for four points. No biggie.

Okay, back up for a second--I am supposed to eat 28 points for the day. You can also earn activity points for your exercise, and you can use those, but you shouldn't really use them unless it's a special occasion. I mean, just because I earned 12 activity points yesterday doesn't mean it would have been okay for me to eat 3 four-point desserts. You can use those points if you need to, but in my mind, using them very sparingly is the best way to do it.

So back to today's food. After I got the kids fed and their lunch all cleaned up, I made myself one of my favorite things that I've been missing for a while--sauteed zucchini, summer squash and onion, with  minced garlic. I ate a big ol' bowl of it, and it tasted fabulous. Zero points.

At this point I was up to 4 points for the day. Jared and I had planned to have Subway together for dinner, and I found myself willing him to get home from work early, which has been fairly common since we got here, but becoming less so as they get their workplace back together. Anyway, I wasn't physically hungry. But I really wanted to eat some real, substantial food. And eating dinner early would be great, because tonight was book club anyway. It was hard! Psychologically I felt like I hadn't eaten all day, when I actually had eaten more at that point in the day than I had been doing on HCG. Anyway, finally at about 3:45 Jared got home, and I left to go grab Subway.

For me--a footlong turkey breast and black forest ham on 9-grain wheat, with American cheese. Lettuce, tomatoes, onions, light mayo and mustard. And a bag of baked lays. That, my friends, was a meal worth 23 points. Yes--23. I had calculated it in the morning, so I knew how big it was. And I planned for it--with the wheat thins, it brought me to 27 points. Not too shabby, right?

Here's what I learned--it's a bad idea to lump all your points together like that. I hadn't planned on doing that on a regular basis, but Subway days are special, so I figured it'd be okay. Well, it wasn't. I finished my sub around 4:30, and was out of points. I tried really hard--I ate lots of watermelon, and had some sugar free jello--all zero points. But for some reason, it wasn't cutting it. I held out for a long time, but in the end, I just gave up and ate some frozen cookie dough. And then when they served strawberry shortcake at book club, I ate some. !!!!! And then I came home and ate more frozen cookie dough.

This is a really bad thing to do, you know. I'm trying to make the best of it by figuring out what it is that makes the binge monster inside me tick. I mean, for real?? Why did I do that?

I have decided that I am done with the footlongs, first of all. I do love Subway, but if I would just get myself a 6 inch and skip the chips, it would be 8.5 points, and I can handle that. Fruit or veggies on the side, and I'm still good. I have got to change the Subway mentality from footlong with chips to 6 inch with produce. And I need to more evenly spread out my points. If I eat 7 points at each meal, that leaves 7 points for snacks in between. And with fruits and veggies being zero points, that should be fine. Balance. I've always been pretty good at balancing my food groups, but I have never been good at balancing my eating times. I usually just eat a banana for breakfast and nothing else, eat some vegetables for lunch, and do the bulk of my eating at night because that's when I really want to eat. Changing that kind of scares me, because I think I'm going to eat more earlier, and have less later, and I'll still want to eat a lot at night time. So I'm going to have to try and retrain myself to having smaller portions from every group at each meal. It's going to be difficult, I think, but I really want to try. I kind of tried when I tried the biggest loser plan, and I screwed it up big time because once I got started eating good stuff, I didn't want to stop. My portion control is all kinds of crazy. Totally out of whack. So I hope that balancing my eating times doesn't backfire on me. But I have to try it, because I think it's really important if I want to train myself to have good eating habits come naturally to me. I want to just eat like a normal person and not think I have to keep going back for more. I want one serving to be enough. I do not want one small, normal portion to be a trigger to just keep going.

I will figure it out. WW was supposed to be so easy after HCG. HCG is so, so super strict. I have really been looking forward to all I would get to eat on the Weight Watcher's plan, and this first day of counting points didn't really go the way I had hoped. So, farewell footlong.

Tomorrow I will post some concrete goals I've been tossing around in my mind--having to do with exercise, water, etc. I hate that I screwed up my day. I always end up feeling horrible when I do this. But I am trying to learn from it, and I am working toward healing myself of the habits that hold me back.

It's hard.

Sick. of. it.

So tired of doing HCG. I just can't eat the diet anymore.

Last night I bought a points plus calculator on ebay. Then this morning I found a website that has a free calculator on it. There's also an activity points calculator.

I was really going to try and stick with the HCG for a whole 8 weeks. But enough is enough. I'm not really losing anymore anyway, although--every day I cheat a little with a bite of this or that. I think I've just done it enough that I am really burnt out. I'm grateful for what it's done for me, and I'd be lying if I didn't say I've learned and changed A LOT of things during the HCG journey. But I'm tired of it. I was going to do it again in August, but...as of now, I don't think I will. I'm going to talk to Jared about just doing WW with me and skipping the August round of HCG.

Today I was 189.6. See? It's the cheating. I've gained half a pound every day for a few days. Grrrr!!!!!

Today is the last day I'll take the HCG, but it stays in your system for 3 more days, so technically I should eat the diet through Friday. I think I'll try. Because although I'm sick of it, if I can just do three more days that would be good. I really shouldn't just all out quit. But it's really hard for me not to cheat. What I need is to get it out of my system and just jump right in to weight watchers. And then I'll have a goal to lose 2 pounds a week and there you have it. Nice, normal, real life weight loss.

On a positive note, I got up at 5 today and exercised. It felt so good. See, yesterday my husband and I spent 2 hours doing yard work, and I just felt so awesome after that. It was like being reminded of some fabulous life that has been just out of reach for a while. That after-exercising feeling just made me feel so at home, so like the "real" me. It's been a while.

So this morning I did Jillian Michaels' No More Trouble Zones. 50 minutes (4 activity points). Then I did a step workout with Cathe Friedrich. 50 minutes (4 activity points). In the afternoon I did another hour of weeding outside (4 activity points). So--not too shabby, huh?

I really want to get going on this weight watcher's eating plan. I think I'll be a lot more sane with it. And I'm going to have to decide if I want to officially join now (in June) or wait until August. I don't know. I'm kind of afraid to not have accountability. It's just so easy to cheat, and I have proven over and over again to be very weak in that area. So we'll see. Sometimes I can be really good, and maybe with weight watchers being as structured as it is, but a lot more open to options, I can do it. I don't know though, I think the accountability is key for me.

I have also finally stopped buying cases of water bottles from Costco. We managed to get a Brita filter to fit on the tap of the kitchen sink, and that has made a HUGE difference in the taste of the water. I'm so happy about that! Tastes just like my bottled water. And yesterday I got a 24 oz. water bottle, so now I'm set. Today I drank 5 of my water bottles, for a total of 120 ozs. Not to shabby!

What I really need to do is set a course for myself and just step on the path and never look back.

So...I'll check back on Saturday, if not sooner. Saturday will be my first official day of following the WW plan, and I really look forward to it.

In the World of Weight Loss

So where am I in the world of weight loss?

I am finishing up my 5th round of HCG. It's not really my favorite diet. It's really not. I mean, I do love it. I do feel amazing. I do lose a lot of weight. People say it doesn't really work, that you don't really feel great while you're on it, that it's just a big fake. But well--I am now exactly 116 pounds less than I was when I started HCG a year and a half ago. So--whatever. It has worked for me. It has not taken away my personal struggles with food. It has not cured me of my LOVE for all things super delicious and very bad for you. I still love it. But I can say that I have learned a lot and changed some pretty big things about myself. For example, in the past year I have had fast food only twice, and same thing with soda. (I do not count Subway as fast food, because when I go to Subway I only get the healthy sandwiches). I don't miss those things AT ALL. And even though I've slid backward a few times, I've still made the overall progress that has lead me here, to a 116 pound loss. So maybe it's a placebo. Maybe it doesn't really work.  I can't say for anybody else, but for me it's been fine.

Still, it's not my preferred diet plan. And by "diet" I don't mean weight loss, I mean daily food intake. To tell you the truth, I have never seen a weight loss/diet plan that I agree with more than Weight Watchers. Funny that I've never officially joined, right? Weight Watchers does not cut anything out of the diet, so you don't have to feel deprived, and they give a good plan to live by that fits what you should eat into a simple, doable, structured plan. (And believe me, I need structure. Bad things happen when I'm left to my own devices). 

Anyway, I'm really excited because I have decided to join WW in September. 

Why so long? 

Well...because I have 2 weeks left on HCG, then 3 weeks to maintain my weight. Then I hope to do another 10 day juice fast--just because it's time again, I want to do that quarterly. After that we're having family in town for a week, and then a week after that we are leaving for California for two weeks. Then we come home and do a short little round of HCG (the husband wants to do it, and he absolutely can't do it alone, he'd cave in a day or two). And since I don't think it's fair to be going to WW meetings while I'm on HCG, I'm going to wait until September. 

Meanwhile, after this current round of HCG, I will be eating the WW diet. My mom just joined, and I figured out how many points I'm supposed to have and all that. So even though I won't officially be a member of WW, I will be following their plan. And I'm SO excited about it. I'm excited to have a wide variety of things I can eat, and have it within a structured and controlled plan. And I love that fruits and vegetables are zero points. I look forward to watermelon season where I can eat a huge bowl of watermelon cubes for ZERO points, without worrying about eating too much. I look forward to eating a huge salad, where the only points that will count are the dressing, and anything I add in like olives or black beans. I love me a huge salad.

And I look forward to the accountability that I will get with WW. I plan to stay on it all the way to my goal and perhaps for the rest of my life. Because I have enough experience to know that if I want to maintain weight loss, I'm going to have to have the structure and accountability. 

So there you have it. I wish it were September already!

Thin

As in...spread way too thin. Life is really crazy right now. I'm not really complaining, but I do have a lot on my plate of life. Here's the latest with me:

1. In the month of April I busted open my savings account to buy a new laptop because the one that had been in a coma for several months finally breathed its last. I love my new Macbook Pro and I'm really THANKFUL to be done with Dell. But that's another story for another day.

2. Later in the month of April, we busted open our savings account to buy (well, to put a down payment on) a brand new Honda Odyssey to replace the rickety old falling apart Saturn Relay we had been driving. I am now driving my dream car, and I love it. Love it love it love it. It's beautiful, it's brand new, and it's everything I want and way more than I ever wanted.

The thing about numbers 1 & 2 is that I have this residual effect of feeling this yucky feeling in the pit of my stomach about the money that is no longer in my savings account. It's not all gone or anything, but it took a pretty big hit. And that just makes me feel really uncomfortable. And if I weren't totally exhausted every night, thinking about it would keep me awake for hours. Luckily, all the other life stuff keeps me able to sleep when I finally do drop into bed every night. Which leads to number 3.

3. I have recently signed up to be a Heritage Maker's independent consultant. I love Heritage Makers, and I have made some pretty awesome stuff. Here is the Father's Day book I made for my husband, which I haven't shared on my other blog because I don't want him to see it. But since he never looks at this blog, I can share it here. See how awesome this is!!!
At any rate, I have done things like this before (Tupperware, Bright Music) but I haven't been as sold as I am with Heritage Makers. Their program is absolutely awesome. And since I have been looking for some kind of work at home thing, I decided to give this a shot. And this time, I think I'm actually going to put some work into it and see if I can build it. Because I absolutely love it.

I do have a HM webpage, but I'm ironing out some kinks. So I'll put up a link to it on my sidebar in the next few days, for anyone who might want to see what it's all about. You can also check out my other blog and see a couple of other things I've made, if you want! I'm totally excited.

4. I have been working long and hard on a blog book for my brother's blog, as a surprise-late-birthday-gift thing. (Already more than 2 months late, dang it!) I have put in lots of hours, and lots of blood sweat and tears for this project, and now I'm almost done. I'm going to write a forward and then it'll be ready for publishing. (This I'm doing on blurb, not on HM). The more I've worked on it, the more I have just been DYING to get my hands on the actual book. Now if I only had the money to order it! It'll have to wait until June. But it's fabulous. The more I worked, the better it got. And I know he's going to love it. I'll bet he'll even tear up when he opens it up, because I'm sending it to him as a surprise and he has NO idea. (Don't you just love those kinds of surprises?) And of course I have to buy a copy for myself, and I guarantee it'll be one of my favorite reads. So that has been a huge thing, SO time consuming, and I'm glad I can almost check it off my list!

5. Last but not least, I'm one of those dummies who didn't realize my driver's license expired this year. So guess who doesn't have a license now? Arizona doesn't let you renew online, and Washington doesn't let you easily get a license unless your current license is valid. And since an expired license is not valid--I get to take the tests again. Yay me! That means that I have to go on days when my husband doesn't work, because I can't drive myself there, and I absolutely can't do that kind of thing with three kids in tow. So on Monday he had the day off, and I went and passed the written test. (More like "touch screen" test these days). On Saturday I have an appointment for the behind-the-wheel. And I really can't wait to get it over with, because it STINKS to not have a driver's license. For the past couple of weeks I have not driven anywhere unless it was absolutely necessary (like when I had to pick up Jared from work because the battery in his car was shot and he had to get a new one). But I hate it--I hate being behind the wheel knowing that if I got pulled over, or in an accident or something, I'd be in huge trouble. So let's just hurry up and get this thing done!

And that, my friends, is why I have not been blogging much. That and my husband and five kids who need to be wifed and mothered every day and a house that would fall to the ground if I didn't pay attention to it because nobody else likes to. But I have been working really hard on my weight loss...I'll tell you about that in tomorrow's post...