On the Verge

As I mentioned before, I have been out of "exercise mode" for a while now. And I hate it. I hate how I feel. I miss the way I feel when I am in the habit of regularly exercising.

I think life is finally starting to settle down. Although I'm not sure if I should dare to even think something like that, because there always seems to be something.

I think that's the key right there. Accepting the fact that there will always be something. I guess I find myself waiting for things to slow down a bit so that I can figure out a "routine." But instead of waiting for things to slow down, I just need to figure out a routine that will work with all the craziness.

Can I really fit in one more thing? As it is, I get up every morning at 4:30, shower, and then work until 8:00. Then I fold a load of laundry (one load a day keeps the piles away!) and get my kids up and fed and out the door for school, at which point I work on my "housewife" stuff. I'm either cleaning the house or making bread or planning someone's birthday party or rushing off to play group--something. And even if I had nothing else to do but exercise, I have three younger kids who would absolutely not have it. As soon as I tried they'd be all over me.

I thought about joining the gym. But with three kids, the membership fee would go from $20 a month to $70. Can't do that. I could wait for my kindergartener to get on the bus for school, but by that time the childcare at the gym is closed until 4 p.m.

And then there's night time, when my husband comes home. At that point, it's kids' homework, dinner, family scripture study and bed. And then it's me time to finally catch a break and unwind, before an early bed time for me so I can get up super early and do it all over again.

But I still hate this not exercising thing. I know that you people out there who are the current rock stars of the fitness world would have no tolerance for that. You'd probably say something like "Just get in 30 minutes when the kids go to bed. It's not much, but at least you'd be doing something." See, that's what I've been telling myself lately, too. I need to make peace with night time exercise. Which do I hate more, the thought of giving up some of my precious unwind time, or how physically horrible I feel without exercise?

I wish it always came easy to me. I just have to keep reminding myself how I crave it when I'm in the habit. And that there isn't anything to be scared of--once I start it will all come back to me (even though it will take some time to get back to my previous level of awesomeness).

I'm contemplating joining the gym that's close to my home. $20 a month. And going at nights when I can, and on Saturdays. Maybe in November? It's an issue of money, but I know $20 isn't THAT much. With the limited time I have, I really should go to the gym and tackle the cardio machines. Sometimes I wonder if I really can add another single thing into my already crammed full schedule, but I really don't see that I have much choice.

Truthfully, the idea of joining a gym is exhilarating.