Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Day Off

Well, it wasn't supposed to be a day off.

But today was insanely busy.

First it was an extra load of laundry for me this morning (I'm a one load a day kind of woman).

Then it was off to play group.

Then it was home to clean up and make lunch and clean up again and get Lydia down for a nap.

Then it was company for about an hour.

Then it was hurrying up to make dinner so that I could then make my lunch and have maybe a few minutes to eat it in peace before the older boys came bursting in the door after school.

Then it was being so busy and crazy and smelling the yummy dinner that I let myself sample.

And that was really bad, because I half expected corn dog muffins to be gross. I've been making them for over a year for my kids, and 5/5 of them will eat them. (That is unheard of in my house). But I like corn dogs. I never eat them, but just the thought of a cornbread muffin with a chunk of hot dog in it does not sound like my idea of an ideal replacement for an actual corn dog. Not for me, anyway. But I tried it anyway.

And...oh. my. gosh. So good.

I hurried and cooked up my squash concoction, and drank a bunch of water.

Then it was getting kids to do their homework.

Then it was getting one son off to scouts (who was late, because I totally forgot until he was already 15 minutes late. So he probably got there at 20 after. Geez).

Then it was getting my other son out the door and over to the school for his first ever band concert. And I'll spare you the gushy details of how unexpectedly impressed I was with the concert. I have never heard a first year band sound so good. Oh yeah, I said I'd spare you. Moving on.

Then it was coming home and cleaning up the house and washing all the dishes and getting kids to bed,

And besides that, my camera battery was dead.

Maybe those aren't good reasons, but I just didn't have the energy to track today. So I didn't. I know I probably went over points. But I skipped dinner because I was just too busy. Not that I expect that to count for much.

And by the way, there is no more cookie dough in this house. (Mostly due to my husband eating it, but I can't lie, I helped a little).

I also did not exercise today, because my back was still really bugging me this morning. Instead of exercising I got up and searched the bathroom for Icy Hot, which I never did find. Luckily, as the day progressed my back got better, so I should be okay for tomorrow. That is, if I ever get to bed tonight.

I did drink a lot of water today. Not 100 oz, but way better than the past few days. That's the only good thing for today.

I don't know. I hate days that are packed full of craziness, where I feel like the day is just happening to me and I don't really have a say about it. But it's okay. I had some good times today.

(I do have to be honest, though, and admit that I'm sick of that "fresh start" mentality. While it is true that you can't let slip ups ruin your entire day or week, it's also true that you shouldn't let yourself easily excuse them, using the mentality that slip ups happen and you just have to move on. They do happen, and you do have to move on, but you also have to be careful that you don't justify bad eating because you've made peace with the "slip ups happen" mentality. And I think sometimes I do that. I let myself slip up because that's life. I guess the whole point is that we have to fight to NOT let the slip ups happen. And if they're happening a couple of times a week, that is not okay. Maybe a couple of times a month. Clearly I still have a lot of work to do. So just know that even though I am moving on and fighting the fight, don't think for a minute that I am okay with slipping up as often as I currently do. I just have to be positive and not let it send me into a complete off-plan oblivion because it's easier to ignore it than deal with it).

Do you see why I say I need to be attending weekly WW meetings? I need to know that I am going to get on a scale in front of people, and I am accountable to them! Ultimately, it's all about me. It's about what I want for myself, and what I am going to do for myself. I am not losing weight for a group of people I don't even know yet. But I do know that I hate admitting that I messed up, and I will not want to show up to a meeting with a gain.

OK--more pictures tomorrow, some good exercise, and all my water.

And lots of prayer, so that I can really figure this out and finally break through. I don't know what it is about food, but it is the greatest trial of my life. What a stupid thing to have to admit. Why in the world should something so stupid be such a huge stumbling block for me? It really is embarrassing.

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