Issues

A lot of people use food to fill some kind of void, to mask some deep feelings, to ease some pain...and once they figure out what it is, exactly, that caused them to turn to food, they can deal with it and stop involving food addictions. I watch these people on Biggest Loser, when they finally get to the roots of their issues..."I was never good enough for my Dad, and then I had to watch him die right in front of my face and there was nothing I could do" or "My Dad beat me for years, and I spent the majority of my time hiding in the closet" or "When I was 12 years old my sister got diagnosed with Leukemia..." You get it. A lot of people have some traumatic experience that they can pinpoint, they know other issues that they have, and once they have the guts to just get it out and verbalize it, and talk to someone about it, they can make peace with it and move on. And miraculously (at least, on Biggest Loser it seems like it's miraculously, I guess maybe we just don't see the whole story) they are cured of their food issues.

These people on the show get worked so hard in the gym, to the point where they don't have the strength to hide what's inside. Then it all comes out, and they talk it out, and it's a big pivotal place in their life. It seems like after a couple of months of grueling exercise, some nutrition education and some talking and crying, they're all better.

I guess it just seems like such a short amount of time for such a huge, monumental change.

But that's not the point of this post. Their changes really are inspiring, and I love to watch people transform like that.

The point of this post, though, is the issues. My question is, does everyone with a food addiction have an issue tied to it? Because I have thought how great it would be if I could pinpoint the reason for my food stuff, talk about it, cry about it, and be cured. The problem is, (which isn't really a problem at all, it's more like a huge blessing) I haven't ever gone through anything major. Nothing made me turn to food. I just like it.

I've thought that maybe it could be tied how, as a teenager, I never felt like I could measure up, I never felt like I was accepted the way I wished I was. So I have spent all my life trying to prove to people that I am good enough, just as good as they are, maybe without ever truly believing it myself. Like--needing constant validation from others that I'm good enough. But there are two things that make me think that this isn't it.

Number one, I've been overweight my entire life. As an elementary age kid, I never had those feelings of inadequacy, but I was fat. So it's not like I comforted my crazy teenage stuff with food.

Number two, a long time ago I stopped worrying about what other people think. I live my life they way I want to, doing what I know to be right and according to my own set of values, etc. Doesn't matter whether other people like it or not.

Granted, I have gained a lot more confidence as the weight has come off. I'm not the same person at 200 that I was at 300. The more I weigh, the more I withdraw and don't like attention on me. As I lose weight, I'm more willing to get in front of people, to have my picture taken, etc. But it's the weight that influences that, the weight is not the result of that.

Anyway, that is the closest I can come to "issues." And I just don't think that's it. So is it possible for someone to have food issues simply because they have just enjoyed food way too much their entire life? Could it be possible that I have eaten way too much in my life simply because I like how it tastes? Maybe just not being raised to know how destructive it can be to eat too much?

And if that's the case, should I be grateful that I haven't had to go through terrible things, or should I be disappointed that my problems with food are so difficult to pinpoint, and difficult to just solve in a couple of months' time? If my problem is just that I like to eat, and I like to eat things that taste good, I can't just get a good cry, go to counseling for a couple of months, and be cured. Then again, maybe without a big issue, my problem with food should be a lot easier to overcome.

These people go on the biggest loser and learn things that I've known forever. I don't deep fry things, I don't cook with oil, I use whole grains and I don't use whole milk...I mean, a lot of the nutrition education they get on Biggest Loser is no surprise to me. My thing is portion control, and what is the magic answer for that? To just grow up and stop eating before you eat too much. Simple. But it's one thing to know, and another thing to do.

I guess I just still wonder if there is some issue I don't even know about, some reason why I have been an overeater. Does there have to be some big definable reason? Or not? I just don't know.