Crazy!

I'm not avoiding the blog on purpose. It's been crazy.

I did finally find the cord to recharge my camera battery, so I'll be able to start taking pictures of my food again. I didn't realize how much time and whatever it was going to take to do it. I like to do it, but yeah...it's a bit of extra effort that I don't always have. And I'm still going back and forth about whether doing stuff like that makes me focus on food too much. I want to focus on it enough that I am paying attention and counting my points and that I know exactly what I'm doing, but not so much that it's always on my mind.

Anyway, things are nuts in my life right now. In a good way, but crazy!

I have never lived this far north. Lately it has been light outside until 9:30...and it's only going to get later for the next month or so! So we go and go and go, and by the time we stop we realize that it's a lot later than we thought. Not that that's a bad thing. Tonight I started some weeding and yard work at 6. I did that for about an hour and then came in and the whole family had a huge cleaning party. When I stopped it was 9:15! I feel great and my house looks amazing. And it really needed some extra TLC. But. I'm TIRED!

Anyway, I have been aware of my food intake. I will say that I have not stayed in my points range, I'm sure of it. I say I've been aware--that doesn't mean I've been counting. I just haven't had the time or the energy. So I have to figure out how to balance all that.

I was afraid that I wasn't going to get my goal of 40 activity points for the week, but by some miracle I did. Yesterday my husband had the day off so I suggested we walk to Walmart for the couple of things we needed. So we piled the three kids in the strollers and went for it. It was a beautiful day! We were gone for about 3 hours. Some of that time was spent strolling through the store, which doesn't count as "exercising." But for the time we were walking to and from we got some good work in. And then today with my 3 hours of low intensity yard work and house work (which was actually quite exhausting!) I pushed my activity points count up to 45 for the week. Whew!

I do suffer from having days where I just really don't care. I mean, I just really don't. It's exhausting to care! Sometimes I don't want to count or track or choose the fat free cheese over the regular cheese. I do struggle with that a lot. I think that's my big fight right now. The bottom line is, I do care. So what am I supposed to do on those days when I really don't care?

For example, yesterday I had my mushroom caps all ready for me to use for making my pizza. But when 8:00 p.m. came around and I was finally finishing all the junk I had to do, I just didn't have it in me to prepare my own food. I just didn't care enough at that point to put in the extra effort, so I ate what was left of the family's pizza. I would probably die if I took the time to calculate the points value of that pizza.

So you see, I have such a long way to go. So much to learn. I mean, I know all the answers. I could take a test on how to lose weight, all the best practices, the healthiest, even the psychology of it, and get an A+. But the practical application...well, I probably have a D right now. I can do really great, but then I just can't do it anymore. And then the next day I do what I can to find the drive, and I go for it and do great for days, only to have another one of those "I can't care" days. I am guessing that I just have to keep on keeping on, and that becoming A+ at the practical application is going to take a while. Little by little. Baby steps. I have no intention of throwing in the towel. Sometimes it's frustrating that I can't just make up my mind about it and be done with it.

At any rate, I'm here, alive and kicking, caring and not caring.

So we'll see how tomorrow goes. I will start taking pics again either tomorrow or Monday.

(On a funny note...there is nothing bad left in this house. Jared even managed to find my stash of melting chocolate and everything that I keep with my crafts in the pantry--for dipping oreos or whatever. This is stuff I've had for probably 9 months. The good thing is that it's gone. I've never touched it, never even wanted to eat it AT ALL. Just not appetizing. But I think it's better that it's not here at all. After all, I haven't dipped oreos for anyone since before Christmas...).

Day Off

Well, it wasn't supposed to be a day off.

But today was insanely busy.

First it was an extra load of laundry for me this morning (I'm a one load a day kind of woman).

Then it was off to play group.

Then it was home to clean up and make lunch and clean up again and get Lydia down for a nap.

Then it was company for about an hour.

Then it was hurrying up to make dinner so that I could then make my lunch and have maybe a few minutes to eat it in peace before the older boys came bursting in the door after school.

Then it was being so busy and crazy and smelling the yummy dinner that I let myself sample.

And that was really bad, because I half expected corn dog muffins to be gross. I've been making them for over a year for my kids, and 5/5 of them will eat them. (That is unheard of in my house). But I like corn dogs. I never eat them, but just the thought of a cornbread muffin with a chunk of hot dog in it does not sound like my idea of an ideal replacement for an actual corn dog. Not for me, anyway. But I tried it anyway.

And...oh. my. gosh. So good.

I hurried and cooked up my squash concoction, and drank a bunch of water.

Then it was getting kids to do their homework.

Then it was getting one son off to scouts (who was late, because I totally forgot until he was already 15 minutes late. So he probably got there at 20 after. Geez).

Then it was getting my other son out the door and over to the school for his first ever band concert. And I'll spare you the gushy details of how unexpectedly impressed I was with the concert. I have never heard a first year band sound so good. Oh yeah, I said I'd spare you. Moving on.

Then it was coming home and cleaning up the house and washing all the dishes and getting kids to bed,

And besides that, my camera battery was dead.

Maybe those aren't good reasons, but I just didn't have the energy to track today. So I didn't. I know I probably went over points. But I skipped dinner because I was just too busy. Not that I expect that to count for much.

And by the way, there is no more cookie dough in this house. (Mostly due to my husband eating it, but I can't lie, I helped a little).

I also did not exercise today, because my back was still really bugging me this morning. Instead of exercising I got up and searched the bathroom for Icy Hot, which I never did find. Luckily, as the day progressed my back got better, so I should be okay for tomorrow. That is, if I ever get to bed tonight.

I did drink a lot of water today. Not 100 oz, but way better than the past few days. That's the only good thing for today.

I don't know. I hate days that are packed full of craziness, where I feel like the day is just happening to me and I don't really have a say about it. But it's okay. I had some good times today.

(I do have to be honest, though, and admit that I'm sick of that "fresh start" mentality. While it is true that you can't let slip ups ruin your entire day or week, it's also true that you shouldn't let yourself easily excuse them, using the mentality that slip ups happen and you just have to move on. They do happen, and you do have to move on, but you also have to be careful that you don't justify bad eating because you've made peace with the "slip ups happen" mentality. And I think sometimes I do that. I let myself slip up because that's life. I guess the whole point is that we have to fight to NOT let the slip ups happen. And if they're happening a couple of times a week, that is not okay. Maybe a couple of times a month. Clearly I still have a lot of work to do. So just know that even though I am moving on and fighting the fight, don't think for a minute that I am okay with slipping up as often as I currently do. I just have to be positive and not let it send me into a complete off-plan oblivion because it's easier to ignore it than deal with it).

Do you see why I say I need to be attending weekly WW meetings? I need to know that I am going to get on a scale in front of people, and I am accountable to them! Ultimately, it's all about me. It's about what I want for myself, and what I am going to do for myself. I am not losing weight for a group of people I don't even know yet. But I do know that I hate admitting that I messed up, and I will not want to show up to a meeting with a gain.

OK--more pictures tomorrow, some good exercise, and all my water.

And lots of prayer, so that I can really figure this out and finally break through. I don't know what it is about food, but it is the greatest trial of my life. What a stupid thing to have to admit. Why in the world should something so stupid be such a huge stumbling block for me? It really is embarrassing.

Daily Food Log 5/22

Today was good. I added a set of risers under my step when I did my workout this morning. 8 inches! I tried it a few months ago and couldn't make it five minutes. But it did occur to me yesterday that my workouts are way too easy. Oh, they used to be hard. They used to be killer, let me tell you. I remember working up to actually being able to do the whole thing. But I have noticed lately that they don't really make me break much of a sweat, and they don't get my heart rate up like they should.

That's why I tried adding the other set of risers before. It was totally hard. But I tried it again today because I was hoping to get more activity points for the same amount of time investment. 40 minutes of moderate-intensity exercise is worth 4 activity points. Today I got to bump it up to 40 minutes of high-intensity, and when I plugged it into the points calculator, the workout was worth 9 points. Yahoo! How awesome is that!

The unfortunate part was that about half way through I stepped wrong and my back didn't really appreciate it. It's weird trying to get used to stepping up farther, and also stepping down farther. Doing some repeaters and some jumps kind of threw me off at that one point. At first I was afraid that I had pinched a nerve, that I'd have to quit working out, that I'd be on the couch and out of commission for a few days. But I kept going, and it hurt a little bit, but I could tell it would be okay.

So happily, I finished the workout. And moved on to the toning workout for another 40 minutes.

My body and my back have been a little bit sore today. So I skipped my p.m. workout, which was okay because I did earn 13 points this morning. Thanks to the extra risers! =)

In other news, my awesome husband fixed the water filter today, so that's all set now. Unfortunately, I was out the door on errands, etc., right after he fixed it, and now it's too late to start drinking tons of water. But tomorrow it's on! I have really been needing my water. I was really ready to start choking down the awful tap water.

OK, today's food:

Breakfast: Oatmeal

5 points

Snack: Peanut Butter

2.5 points 

(WW rounds, but I don't usually)

More snack: Here is my daughter's lunch that she wouldn't eat. I caved and ate half of one of the halves. 

What can I say, I love peanut butter! And I love my homemade bread even more. I try to resist, but sometimes...

3.5 points

(yes, the other day I actually did figure out exactly how many points were in a slice of my bread...somewhere between 3 & 4...it was supposed to be four, but then I cut the slices thinner than what I had calculated for and I didn't re-calculate. Instead of my recipe making 32 slices, it made more like 36. Not sure if it's enough to make a difference, I'll have to recalculate it later and find out).

Lunch: Cabbage

0 points

More lunch: Baked potato w/salt and pepper, green onions and greek yogurt

7 points

Snack: Chocolate Chips (not pictured)

4 points

And watermelon:

0  points

Dinner: Squash, zucchini, onions, tomatoes, garlic, salt and pepper

0 points

Dessert: More of the same. Bananas, strawberries, cool whip free and chocolate chips.

5 points

I am still not liking all the chocolate, but I think other than that (and the lack of water) I did a pretty good job! It could definitely be better. I am working at refining my menu. I will also branch out and add more variety, eventually. Sometimes, though, when I find something I really like, I just really want to keep having it. Although now I'm out of potatoes. =)

I should also note that I came very, very close to eating a handful of chocolate chips after all my points were gone. And cookie dough. I'm talking, my hand was on the cookie dough ziploc. (It's here because Jared wants it, and he eats it). Instead of it being in the freezer in the garage, it was in the house. And I went for it, I did. But I made myself stop. I did not have extra chocolate chips, and I did not eat the blasted cookie dough.

So I won't be beating myself up over the fact that 6 of my points today were used on chocolate.

Daily Food Log 5/21

Today was a whole lot better.

It started out with working out for an hour and a half. 50 minutes with Jillian, 40 minutes with Cathe. =) That added up to 8 activity points.

For breakfast...well, I skipped it because we left as soon as the older boys got on the bus for school. We drove out to the Honda place to pick up our license plates, and then we went over to Home Depot, and then Costco. At Costco I let myself try some samples (it's been a really, really long time, people). The first one was greek yogurt with some honey. Because of the honey I only ate about half the sample and gave the rest to Jared. The other one was a little piece of pepper jack cheese, which I loved because it was loaded with flavor. That was pretty much it for the samples. But then I did take a bite of one of the hot dogs we got them for lunch. I really have no idea how many points all that added up to, but I went ahead and counted it as 5.

When we got home, I sauteed up the rest of my squash and zucchini--my usual yummy zero point lunch vegetable.

0 points

I also had a baked potato with salt and pepper, greek yogurt (thank you Costco) and green onions. Dang it was good, I think I'll have it tomorrow, too.

6 points

In the afternoon I had watermelon and string cheese for a snack.

4 points

Before dinner I went out in the garage and knocked out a 35 minute Gilad aerobics DVD, earning myself another 4 activity points. And then I was too tired to do what it would take to chop up the salad veggies, so I skipped that part of my plan and just ate a steak/pepper/onion/cheese thing. (Can't remember what it's called). You're supposed to fold it in half, but I like to eat it flat because I get more bites out of it that way.

8 points

And then for dessert (I know, I said I wasn't going to do dessert anymore, but I did) I had a fruit salad with bananas, strawberries, and zero point whipped cream. It was especially good because I added 4 points worth of chocolate chips. I really like the crunch they gave it, which is actually the thing that makes me keep running to the freezer for the cookie dough. So putting the choc. chips in the fruit salad was JUST the thing I needed. Completely satisfied me. I think next time I'll cut the chocolate chips in half (the serving, not the actual chips--LOL) so the dessert will only be 2 points.

4 points

27 points eaten. (Maybe 28 because I took a taste of the family's dinner).

12 points earned.

Not too shabby. =)

(And big thanks to my friend Laurie for suggesting the greek yogurt and giving me a good dessert idea!)

Daily Food Log 5/20

Well, I totally botched my day today. I don't know.

This morning I got stressed. Something personal triggered a really grumpy attitude, and I decided to blow two of my points on some of my WW candy.

And of course it didn't help my grumpiness at all.

But instead of realizing that and walking away, I just wanted a few more pieces. Only 4 points for 3 pieces, not that big of a deal.

Well, I ate 9 pieces. I don't even know what to say about that.

I did really great the rest of the day and was totally on points. Then at the very end, I had one point left, so I ate another candy. (!!!) It's not like it would be a crime if I ate only 27, but hey, I wanted to eat that last point. And then I just ate more. I don't even know how many I ate. And I wasn't going to own up to it here, because it's just so terrible. Worse than that--I went for the cookie dough again, too. !!!

I think tomorrow we will be baking up all those cookies and giving them out to some families in our neighborhood. I just can't have them around anymore. Gone is my superhero control. I will also not be buying any more WW candy. I thought I could have it around and only eat one or two a day, but clearly I'm not ready for that either. I need to use my points for real food and not candy.

I don't know how many points I ended up with today. Total fail. Luckily tomorrow is a new day, and I'll be getting up to earn my day's worth of activity points, and I'll be drinking my water and I'll be fighting my fight.

Besides all the messing up I did (which I didn't even take pictures of, and I refuse to go back out to the freezer and take a picture of that cookie dough), here are the pictures of the regular stuff I ate today...

For breakfast, a bowl of Berry Berry Kix and a half a cup of milk. Oatmeal would have been a healthier choice, but I really wanted to try the cold cereal.

4 points

Then we went to church, and got home around 3:00. At that point, I made a big fruit salad, with strawberries, grapes, apples and bananas. Totally yummy and zero points!

0 points

And another repeat of my squash stuff. I know it's monotonous, but I really do love it and I haven't had enough of it yet! (Not to mention that Jared sliced it all up for me with the slicer attachment to the kitchenaid! What a nice husband I have).

0 points

So that wasn't too bad at all. At this point I had 12 points left for the day. So when dinner time came around, I ate some Santa Fe style rice and beans, with cheese. So good. 8 points.

8 points

And then some microwave popcorn for 3 points.

3 points

That's 27 points, and that's where I should have stopped and had some gum and/or some water or some sugar free, zero point jello. 

Heaven help me tomorrow!

Daily Food Log 5/19/12

Today was good! I'm still working on changing my mentality--to stop feeling the need to eat a lot. Part of my problem is that I spent the last 7 weeks eating 500 calories a day. I did pretty darn good, and it didn't bother me. But now I just love that I can actually EAT more. I really do want to work into more proper portions of things, but I am not there yet. So the way I handle it is to make vegetables the bulk of my eating. I know that fruit is also free points, but I'm not sure it's too smart to load up on fruit--vegetables are the very best of the best options for zero point food.

Also, I have set myself a goal to earn a minimum of 40 activity points per week. (And not use them). It may work out to be 10 points for 4 days, or 8 points for 5 days. I don't know. I also think that if I earn more than 40 activity points, I'll go ahead and let myself use them for a treat or something.

And now--today's food:

In the morning, before the yard saling =) I ate another serving of oatmeal, fat free milk, and sliced banana.

5 points

After hours of driving around from one yard sale to another, I went to Walmart and got a few things--including some of the one point WW candy. I was really wanting something good, and I loved the idea of one point chocolate. =) And I had 2. I have a picture of 4, because throughout the day I ate two more. The package said that if you eat three (which is a serving size) it ends up being 4 points, with how they round the numbers in figuring points. SO...

another 5 points

Later, (after I cleaned up from 5 hours of the kids being left alone with their dad) I had some lunch. A repeat of yesterday for the veggies,

0 points

And a Smart Ones meal, chicken ranchero (which was SO yummy).

5 points

Later on I had some steamed cabbage with salt and pepper.

0 points

Everybody else had breakfast for dinner, and I picked at the eggs. I don't think I ate this much, but to be on the safe side I counted the points for 2 eggs. I have to quit picking at the kids' food! Stop it! Stop it! (Luckily I didn't pick at the sausage or french toast!)

4 points

For dinner I ate an absolutely huge salad. An entire head of romaine lettuce, half a bell pepper, 2 green onions, 2 carrots, a bit of chopped broccoli, a tomato, and some of that fat free cheddar cheese I bought for last night's pizza. I used the wishbone salad spray: Ranch. I didn't count any points for that, maybe I should have. ? I don't know. Anyway, it was all zero points except the cheese, so that was good.

2 points

Then I had so few points left (and I wanted to fit in a dessert) that I chose the same 3 point meal I had for lunch yesterday. 

3 points

I finished off the day with a WW turtle sundae dessert for 4 points. Talk about portion control! This thing was tiny! I'm sure it would have easily fit into a 1/4 cup measuring cup. But that's okay! I ate it with one of our baby spoons, which helped me take smaller bites and let it last longer. =) It was good. 

4 points

And there you have it! A total of 28 points.

I did horrible with my water today. I maybe got 8 ounces. Ugh, our tap water tastes awful! Probably because I've been drinking bottled water for so long, I don't know. Jared says there's nothing wrong with it at all. But I hate it. I think he's going to have to go to Home Depot on Monday for the part he needs to fix the Brita. 

I am curious to see what will happen this week with the scale. It seems really hard to believe that I can eat so much and actually lose weight. 

Oh...it is also a goal of mine to get off the sweets, and have a maximum of one candy a day (save it for night when I really want something sweet) and only have dessert once a week or so. I don't really like using my points on sweets. For now, I'm just doing what I can to stick to my points and get enough of a balance. But yeah, the sweet thing does need to be dealt with.

Just remember--as bad as 4 pieces of WW candy and a turtle sundae are, it's WAY better than diving into the freezer for 5 or 6 or 15 balls of frozen cookie dough. Baby steps.

28 Points

There's another blog I read where the author posts a picture list of her daily food intake, along with how many points each thing is. I thought maybe I'd start doing that for a while, and maybe it'll help take the place of the meetings I haven't yet signed up to go to. I'm seeking accountability, here.

I feel like I ate a TON today. And--I did. And it all tasted amazing! I enjoyed every single bite of everything that went in my mouth. I also stayed within my points and drank 96 ozs of water. (Water's a little low because the NEW faucet filter we bought BROKE! Luckily I had already had 96 ozs, or I would be in trouble as far as water goes).

Anyway, check out all the amazing stuff I ate today!

I didn't eat breakfast until about 11:00. I'm still so scared of getting started too early. Anyway, for breakfast I had a half cup of oatmeal with a half cup of fat free milk and a sliced banana. Total points: 5. No sweetener--and it was SO good!

Then when I made sandwiches for the kids for lunch I really wanted some peanut butter, so I calculated the points and decided that half a serving was good, for another 2.5 points.

Then around 2:00 I made a fabulous lunch. I made my zucchini, squash and onions that I like so much, but this time I added a can of diced tomatoes into the mix, along with some garlic salt, basil and oregano. And I ate it ALL. Every last bite. 2 whole zucchini, 1 whole squash, half an onion, and a whole can of diced tomatoes. For ZERO points. You definitely can't beat that!

After that I ate a Smart Ones entree, which was sooooooo good! 3 points.

Then a bit later in the afternoon I had some watermelon. I keep this bowl of watermelon cubes in the fridge, and when I want some I just grab a fork and eat out of the big bowl 'til I'm done, and then it goes back in the fridge. (Sorry if my lack of manners offends anyone. LOL). Again, zero points.

At this point, I had eaten 10.5 of my 28 points for the day. And I had to go to the grocery store, so I thought I would look for some of that one point WW candy. But they didn't have any, so I decided to go over to the bulk section and got a few sugar free chocolate peanut clusters. I noted the nutrition information so I could calculate the points and make sure I counted them. And when I got to the car, I ate 2 of them. After all, for the WW candy it would have only been 2 points. Unfortunately, when I got home and calculated the points, it turned out they were three each. So that's 6 points for these 2 little candies. They were good! But I like my points to last more than a few bites, so that was a bummer, and I gave the four I had left to my husband. 

Tonight was pizza night, and it has been a long time since I had a chance to participate in pizza night. I was really looking forward to eating pizza! I decided to do my pizza on the portabello mushroom caps--which are vegetables, so zero points. This was great--mushroom caps, tomato sauce, onions, skim mozzarella, fat free cheddar, and 90% lean turkey sausage. Can I just tell you how awesome these tasted?? And get this--for both of these pizzas, 6 points. The same points as those two tiny, quickly gone candies. The pizzas were definitely more worth it. =)

And as if that weren't enough, I even had 5 points left for dessert. And I used every single one of them on this crustless strawberry pie. It had sugar free/fat free vanilla pudding, sugar free strawberry jello, and strawberries. The entire thing would have been 8 points. And I was going to eat the entire thing, too, until I realized that my two candies were 6 whole points. So yeah. At any rate, this pie tasted awesome. The part that's gone is the part I ate. LOTS of pie for me today.